Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Simply an update!

Hi, This is for all those couples who have sent such encouraging comments to this blog.  I just want to let those of you who have concerns about adopting within Australia, to go with your heart and see the process through.  We had a five year-old biological son when our adopted daughter's birth mother chose us to as her adoptive parents.  Initially we thought because we already had a child this would discount us and go against us in becoming adoptive parents - but here we are - we were still chosen, and who knows why; each birth parent will have their own set of ideals for their baby and  I believe it really simply comes down to that.  From experience, birth parents will take into account what sort family background you come from; a large family, maybe lots of siblings or fewer siblings, where you live; country or city, what kind of family environment you intend to give your adopted child; what you can offer.  We never went overboard, or tried to be people we weren't, and I think that helped in many ways.  We didn't overwhelm the birth mother with unfamiliar things that she couldn't relate to.  I remember the case worker looking at the photograph we supplied which would be presented to birth parents if and when we were going to be considered as adoptive parents.  The photo was very ordinary, just the three of us sitting on the family couch in our work clothes and our son in his spiderman costume, but obviously this must have in some way connected with the birth mother of our daughter.  All I can say to all those couples out there who are under going the process of local adoption is stick to it, because you never know, you just might be the couple a birth parent is longing for to cae for their baby.  Don't give up hope - ever, this is from experience.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Mother And Child Trailer

I watched this movie last night and have a few things to reveal.  Firstly, yes, the start - or more to the point at
least 3/4s of this film was very slow and felt to have been poorly acted.  Having said that there were snippets that touched me and the last 1/2 hour held my interest. 
For those not sure what it's all about let me try to explain without spoiling the plot.  The woman pictured below had a baby when she was fourteen and gave the baby up for adoption.  She wrote a journal every night to the daughter she gave up, yet had no intention of meeting her until her own mother passed away, and after she found love and married.  Her adopted daughter - a professional lawyer who had no intention of ever having children or ever meeting her biological parents falls pregnant and deciedes to keep the baby, it is then when she deciedes to open the doors to communication with her birth mother.  Then there is a couple who want to adopt - they go through the processes for adoption until the husband deciedes he wants out and leaves his wife.  I'm hearing you, yes the cast is vast and the settings jump all over the place but the story makes sense in  the end.  Is it worth seeing?  Mmm, yesss... I guess so.  You will have to get it out on DVD to see for yourself, I am glad I did.  And no, the girl pictured below is not who you might think; quite the contrary.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Interview wth Zara Phillips; Author,singer, songwriter, adoptee.

  I was introduced to Zara Phillips last night; not in person, but through her personal adoption story and experiences in her DVD titled 'Roots-Unknown.'
It was a great story covering the feelings and experinces of adult adoptees who some learned of their adoptions as a child and some later in their adult life.
She is not just an adoptee, she is an acclaimed songwriter, singer who has played alongside DMC, and other big names such as Bob Geldof. 

New Edition

Zara is also the author of 'MotherMe,' her adoption story. Originally the book was self-published because she thought a publisher would not be interested.  While selling most of her copies at Adoption Conferences and seminars, the BAAF, British Association of Adopting and Fostering offered to publish her book. The book is now about to be re-released as a new edition in America in February 2011.  What a great achievement!
For more information on Zara and her story visit http://www.zarahphillips.com/
Check out this link to read her interview, very insightful.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I don't know, but perhaps I should?  Are adoptees born with some kind of built in radar telling them they should carry around with them some kind of insecurities?  The reason I raise this question is because I see so much of myself in my daughter - and as you would know we are both adopted. 
At such a tender age of four I see her competing at everything to prove her worth, but why?  I don' feel that we have ever given her cause to feel insecure, to feel she needs to prove anything-infact she is the most clever and switched on little thing I have ever met. 
I remember having the same traits as her as a child, and in some aspects of my life I feel I still find a need to fight for recognition and to prove I am just as good at anything as anyone else, but I don't honestly know why.
In saying this, it's probably not as all bad as it sounds, I have after all been able to achieve many things throughout my life I wouldn't have if I didn't have that drive to do so.
So, I hope my daughter realises she needs to prove nothing to nobody; except to herself, after all she has the world at her feet already, she just dosn't know it yet.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Like minded others

I feel so very fortunate having joined a support group for those affected through adoption.  It wasn't until last nights meeting that it brought with it the true sense of why I am driven to continue attending. 
I admit that I first attended without a set agenda - that is if your even suppose to have one - and I guess I still don't have a set agenda but can honestly say I have a better idea of what my needs are and also that of how I can possibly help others who face obstacles or who just feel they can't find an answer their hoping for. 
What I've learnt thus far is that Adoptin is complicated; there is no question about that.  It's complicated because there are so many underlying factors that can surface and affect you in so many different ways throughout your life at any one time. 
Contact would have to be in my opinion one of the most complicated issues yet.  Yes I am speaking from my own personal experiences, but I can also say that those who I know and met who have also been through the processes of contact have all encountered some form of uncertainty or reservation, and that is from all sides of the coin so to speak.  Birth parents, adoptees, adoptive parents all experience their own hesitations or doubts; they all will have their own ideals and expectations but unfortunately these will not necesarrily match the same expectations of the one they wish to meet. 
For me I have maintained contact with my birth mother for the past twenty years.  Our contact has only been through exchange of personal letters until recently.  This year my birth mother has taken the brave step in contacting me by telephone, something that came totally unexpected yet placed me in a position of not knowing whether I am alright with it or not.  Once the phone is answered I can hardly hang-up, I'm just not that sort of person.  As strange as it is talking with this person who breathed life into me, I talk with her as a stranger.  I don't know her, I only know what she has told me of herself through letters and photos; I don't know how her family really feels about me?  Would they rather I go away?  My birth mother has indicted that her children - well only a few - are interested in knowing more about me, I don't really know why because I am just another person, nothing special.  If I was one of her children I think I would feel somewhat threatened with the presence of someone like me.  Wouldn't they question my agenda of what I wanted out of meeting their mother, my birth mother?
So my aim for the immediate future is to try and understand my birth mother's position; I am going to try and really seek what I truly want to do, meet in person or not?  I honestly don't know what to do and feel stuck in uncertainity.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Stats are talking!

Hi!  I know you are all out there, but who are you? What sort of information are you looking for?
I was blown away to find that since starting this blog in May 2010, I have had over 350 hits.  That's right, quite impressive; well I think so anyway. This has surpassed all ideals I had ever imagined.  I am so happy this site is connecting with so many people who are interested in the adoption processes within our country.  So who are you and why not leave a comment or start following if you have a blog of your own?  I would dearly love to hear from some of you and  find out what you need to know or what your thoughts are.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Gay Adoptions - Right or Wrong?

I don't have the right to say whether gay or not that someone should or should not be given the opportunity to become parents.  I have friends that are gay and have never treated them any different after finding out that their sexual preference happened to be of the same sex.  I think I am truly lucky to be able to have an open relationship with people that should not be judged just because of their sexual perefence, and that they can still remain great friends, remain happy and truthful with me about something that so many people tend to turn their backs on. 
I do however have mixed feeling when it comes to adoption and same sex couples.  Call me old and not entirely in touch with society for this but...I do think just as many influential people in the field have - that every child should be given the opportunity for a relationship with both a mother and father.  The roles of both parents come with so many different values and experiences and I can't ignore the fact that a child could miss out in not getting this chance. 
On the other hand there are so many crappy parents out there that I too would suggest that probably a same sex couple would in these cases provide a much better and stabler environment than those who abuse their children.  Love conquers as they say!
I think I watch too much TV, but take 'Modern Family', for instance, the gay couple who adopted their daughter Lilly.  I love them!  They are brilliant - I know, I can hear you, it's only TV, but truly if all gay couples were like these two, who would ever question that the child was not and would not get all they ever could hope for in life.
So in saying this I am going to keep an open mind as far as gay couples being able to adopt.  I think a lot worse could happen - don't you?

Monday, August 16, 2010

So, are you adopted?

Statistics tell us there are well over 250,000 Australians affected through adoption.  This simply means that from these 250,000 people, they are either adopted, adoptive parents, birth parents or members of families who have had adoption associated within thier lives.

I'm am just one little voice in this obviously very big ocean of adoption, and yes I find it kind of daunting that 44 years (almost 45) since my adoption took place that the issue does and will always continue to play a major role in my life as well as my opinions.  Many adoptees will not want for others to know about the fact they are adopted due to the fear of judgement placed on them or their families; but why in the age we live in - in today's society, do people continue to have this false belief about adopted people?

I don't know how many times I have heard people refer to adopted people as having hang-ups in life, that their families are not their real families.  I will always remember a remark that came from a cousin of mine at the funeral of my brother, who said 'oh well he wasn't your real brother.'  Well! I guess that's okay then, that because he wasn't my real brother I obviously wasn't affected as much as someone who perhaps lost a brother who wasn't adopted? Some people just don't get it.  Whether you are adopted or not, your family is your family, your parents are your parents and your brothers and sisters are just that - nothing less, ever.

Our society and quite obviously even our own extended families just don't seem to always get it.  Adoption doesn't spell less love, less family, less importance.  Adopted people are still people with feelings, their parents hold as higher aspirations for thier children as parents with natural children, I can tell you this from experience.  I don't wish for my natural born son to have better opportunities in life than my adopted daughter - I wish that both my children have equal successes in life.

I'ts truly time for society to understand the complexities of adoption, to know what the real issues are that adoptees face and why.  I know I hate listening to silly jokes made by people about adoption, that their misinformed opinion is then transferred to an audience who have just as lesser idea of what is being communicated, yet take every word as gospal.

Australian adoption issues have been left in the dark for far too long and advocates such as Deborra-lee Furness are much needed to help erase the false stigma surrounded in our countries adoption matters.
For more info. on how to get involved contact http://www.adoptionawarenessweek.com.au/

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Adopting locally within Australia - why so much tension?

After reading other blogs regarding issues on adoption in Australia, I am suprised at the amount of anger out there  over this topic.  Who said adoption in Australia is dead?  This is living proof that there are more people than we care to think about who have ongoing issues with not only the processes of adoption in our country but also the ongoing affects adoption places on individuals, whether it be someone wanting to adopt locally, someone who has been adopted or a birth parent who wants to know about the child they relinquished all those years ago.
Firstly, I think the need for accurate information is of the upmost importance.  There appears to be too many inaccuracy's and this to often leads to placing doubt in ones mind whether the options they are looking at are worthy of been pursued.
As an adoptive parent to a now four year old ( so it wasn't that long ago we went down the path of adoption), we know only to well the comlexities, the unknowns and the doubters that discourage those who contemplate adopting within Australia.  But if we had have listened to everything we were told, we wouldn't have our daughter; that's the stark reality.
My advise to anyone considering adoption (here in Australia) is to go ahead and contact your local adoption and permanent care team in your state and find out when the next Information session is planned.  The information session will give you an overview of what is involved in adopting; such as open adoption issues, the birth parents involvement, the processes, what is expected of you as a potential adoptive parent.  But the really big thing to remember when attending an Information session is not to be put off the idea.  If you really want a chance at adopting, see the process through no matter how hard it gets, how time consuming, how drawn out, how little chance you think you've got...SEE IT THROUGH.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Support Group Reforming

A strange thing happened this week. 
While talking with my mum about my recently completed manuscript on Adoption matters; she remembered seeing an advertisment in the local paper about an Adoption support group wanting to reform in my home town. 
I couldn't beleive it!  For so long I have wanted to become a part in helping out in some way, whether it was being a guest speaker on local adoption matters or just volunteering with an adoption organisation such as VANISH (visit link).
Anyway, after a long day travelling to Melbourne and back home, I didn't think I would make the first meeting in time.  Arriving slightly late, I formed a small but comfortable group where we were lucky enough to have two representatives from VANISH attend and help judicate the meeting.  
We shared our own personal experiences with adoption and how adoption played a role in our lives.  Suprisingly, all of us had been affected through adoption in different ways.  One lady was a birth mother, another gentleman discovered he was adopted in his adulthood, and me - well off course I am adopted and also an adoptive parent.
I am really looking forward to our next meeting, and perhaps finding a way to become more involved with VANISH. 

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Where it all began

I first need to share with you this old but very true qoute; it truly is the very answer.

(To An Adopted Child)

Not flesh of my flesh,
Not bone of my bone,
But still Miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
What a beautiful and so,so,so true analagy, I can't wait for my daughter to be old enough for her to understand that is exactly how an adoptive parent feels.

Monday, May 10, 2010

First things First!

Following many failed attempts to have kids, we like many other couples turned to what other options were available in allowing us the pleaseure in experiencing parenthood.  And like many others our first port of call was fertilty treatment.  Unfortunately not all of us are so lucky in being blessed with a baby and find themselves looking for the next alternative.  I don't mean it to sound like you try just any method in making your dream of becoming a parent a reality, but it does  become an obsession for most of us; an obsession that takes over every living moment of your life.  You become resentful but not through jealousy.  You can't face the truth that perhaps you may never have a child of your own, you despise anyone who takes their role as a parent for granted and you would almost do anything to get that very one thing in life you feel robbed off. 

With so many options at hand such as foster, permanent care, overseas adoption and local adoption, you are forced to expose yourself to the world in order to seek what might be.  I remember the very first information session my husband and I attended for overseas adoption.  We truly believed we would walk away that same night with all our worries about becoming parents answered.  How very wrong we were, in fact it wasn't until we investigated all options at hand that we thought we had a fairly clear idea of how we would finally fulfill our dream of becoming parents; again suprise! We had very little idea for what we were in for.

Following our attendance to a seminar on local adoption, we left feeling we had exhausted every avenue and we were ready to give up our plight.  Luckily, something inside me said to go ahead and what comes of our journey we will have to accept, after all we really didn't have anything to lose.

The process was nothing short of a truly frustrating, testing and at times a powerful emotional roller coaster ride, but without taking that ride, we wouldn't have the most beautiful daughter we were blessed with; a system, a process many of us are unaware that still exists, a process that many don't forge on to see where it takes them purely because they are either led to believe or assume this process will never become of anything.  Many will become so disheartened with false belief or innuendo, before making a real go at it.

Looking back on the process it was nothing short of agonising with no up-to-date and specific information which could have helped us understand the process as we moved slowly through it.  Everything on the internet or published is after all aimed at Americans, and lets face it our country, it's laws, systems, departments, organisations and governments are very different; so why does Australia rely so strongly on information that just does not have any relevance to our specific needs?

Now as parents to a locally adopted child, and finally passed the phase of proving ourselves to the world in being responsible, loving parents we still have and face many questions and issues we wish we could find an easy answer for.

I want to share my journey from infertility right through to adoption, I want to show all the non-believers or those who hesistate to take the same journey, just how fulfilling and how very real that dreams do and can come true - even to those who are as sceptic as I was.

So here we go...
Sit tight and take the ride...
Believe in yourself and let fate do the rest... We did.