I feel so very fortunate having joined a support group for those affected through adoption. It wasn't until last nights meeting that it brought with it the true sense of why I am driven to continue attending.
I admit that I first attended without a set agenda - that is if your even suppose to have one - and I guess I still don't have a set agenda but can honestly say I have a better idea of what my needs are and also that of how I can possibly help others who face obstacles or who just feel they can't find an answer their hoping for.
What I've learnt thus far is that Adoptin is complicated; there is no question about that. It's complicated because there are so many underlying factors that can surface and affect you in so many different ways throughout your life at any one time.
Contact would have to be in my opinion one of the most complicated issues yet. Yes I am speaking from my own personal experiences, but I can also say that those who I know and met who have also been through the processes of contact have all encountered some form of uncertainty or reservation, and that is from all sides of the coin so to speak. Birth parents, adoptees, adoptive parents all experience their own hesitations or doubts; they all will have their own ideals and expectations but unfortunately these will not necesarrily match the same expectations of the one they wish to meet.
For me I have maintained contact with my birth mother for the past twenty years. Our contact has only been through exchange of personal letters until recently. This year my birth mother has taken the brave step in contacting me by telephone, something that came totally unexpected yet placed me in a position of not knowing whether I am alright with it or not. Once the phone is answered I can hardly hang-up, I'm just not that sort of person. As strange as it is talking with this person who breathed life into me, I talk with her as a stranger. I don't know her, I only know what she has told me of herself through letters and photos; I don't know how her family really feels about me? Would they rather I go away? My birth mother has indicted that her children - well only a few - are interested in knowing more about me, I don't really know why because I am just another person, nothing special. If I was one of her children I think I would feel somewhat threatened with the presence of someone like me. Wouldn't they question my agenda of what I wanted out of meeting their mother, my birth mother?
So my aim for the immediate future is to try and understand my birth mother's position; I am going to try and really seek what I truly want to do, meet in person or not? I honestly don't know what to do and feel stuck in uncertainity.