Monday, May 10, 2010

First things First!

Following many failed attempts to have kids, we like many other couples turned to what other options were available in allowing us the pleaseure in experiencing parenthood.  And like many others our first port of call was fertilty treatment.  Unfortunately not all of us are so lucky in being blessed with a baby and find themselves looking for the next alternative.  I don't mean it to sound like you try just any method in making your dream of becoming a parent a reality, but it does  become an obsession for most of us; an obsession that takes over every living moment of your life.  You become resentful but not through jealousy.  You can't face the truth that perhaps you may never have a child of your own, you despise anyone who takes their role as a parent for granted and you would almost do anything to get that very one thing in life you feel robbed off. 

With so many options at hand such as foster, permanent care, overseas adoption and local adoption, you are forced to expose yourself to the world in order to seek what might be.  I remember the very first information session my husband and I attended for overseas adoption.  We truly believed we would walk away that same night with all our worries about becoming parents answered.  How very wrong we were, in fact it wasn't until we investigated all options at hand that we thought we had a fairly clear idea of how we would finally fulfill our dream of becoming parents; again suprise! We had very little idea for what we were in for.

Following our attendance to a seminar on local adoption, we left feeling we had exhausted every avenue and we were ready to give up our plight.  Luckily, something inside me said to go ahead and what comes of our journey we will have to accept, after all we really didn't have anything to lose.

The process was nothing short of a truly frustrating, testing and at times a powerful emotional roller coaster ride, but without taking that ride, we wouldn't have the most beautiful daughter we were blessed with; a system, a process many of us are unaware that still exists, a process that many don't forge on to see where it takes them purely because they are either led to believe or assume this process will never become of anything.  Many will become so disheartened with false belief or innuendo, before making a real go at it.

Looking back on the process it was nothing short of agonising with no up-to-date and specific information which could have helped us understand the process as we moved slowly through it.  Everything on the internet or published is after all aimed at Americans, and lets face it our country, it's laws, systems, departments, organisations and governments are very different; so why does Australia rely so strongly on information that just does not have any relevance to our specific needs?

Now as parents to a locally adopted child, and finally passed the phase of proving ourselves to the world in being responsible, loving parents we still have and face many questions and issues we wish we could find an easy answer for.

I want to share my journey from infertility right through to adoption, I want to show all the non-believers or those who hesistate to take the same journey, just how fulfilling and how very real that dreams do and can come true - even to those who are as sceptic as I was.

So here we go...
Sit tight and take the ride...
Believe in yourself and let fate do the rest... We did.


  1. Welcome to the world of Blogging. I am so proud of all that you have both achieved. As a close friend to this truly amazing family. Over the years my heart has definetly gone out to them. I have been with them through their highs and lows and it is so hard to sit back with hands tied and being unable to help. With our own family growing and theirs, all we can offer is our ever lasting friendship. (P.S Looking forward to reviewing your book.)

  2. hi,
    i am 7 weeks pregnant and considering a possibility of adoption rather than having a termination i already have a 3 yr old on my own.
    I read after the baby is born the baby is placed in a foster care home for 30 days whilst the birthmother makes shore she has made the right decsion then the baby is placed with the adoptive parents i would want the baby to go straight to the adoptive parents rather than foster care. anymore information would be great as i will have to make a descion in the next few weeks thank you.

  3. Sorry it has taken some time to get back to you. I hope this is not to late. Unfortunatley, the intermediatery of foster care is most likely in all adoptions. The reason behind this is because you as the birth parent have the right to change your decision once the baby is born. There is a period of time in which you can change your mind in placing your baby for adoption, and therefore this period of time the baby will be cared for in foster care.
    I cannot speak highly enough of the foster carer who looked after our adopted daughter before we got to take her home; and I see what your saying; why not have the same people care for the baby who will be the adoptive parents; but what if you did change your mind; it would be devasting for the adoptive parents to then have to give the baby back up to you. I hope this helps in some small way and I suggest you seek advise from your adoption team that is helping you through the decision making, they have yours and your baby's best interests at heart.

  4. Hi, my name is Sharon. I am a birthmother which is someone who has had a child and "had" to gave her child up for adoption. I was only 14 at the time but the thought past my mind if only this pregnancy "would go away". Even though it was a traumatic and emotional time I have been always so glad it didn't go away and I was able to give birth to a beautiful girl who was then still taken from me.
    The most amazing thing was when I met my daughter again 18 years later she gave me a photo of herself with the words "Thankyou for me giving me the most precious gift". Lea was well aware then what my option could have been. Although Adoption doesn't make everything better I believe personally it sures beats the alternative. Happy to blog with you again. You need to do what your heart tells you. Sharon

  5. Hi Meredith, What a fantastic website or "blogsite" you have created. I wish you all the best with your manuscript and I look forward to catching at the next Adoption support group in Ballarat on Oct 4th. Sharon

  6. Hello. Great blog! My husband and I are actually lucky enough to have one birth child, but I nearly lost my life during that pregnancy and have lost pregnancies since then. We stopped trying to conceive and have been foster carers for years and now want to adopt locally. We will begin our journey soon. I was nervous about the statistics and that we might not be picked by a birth mother because we have two children already, so I spoke to a caseworker and now I think that it could go either way. I have a feeling to go ahead with it and we will see what happens.

    Thanks for the info. Can you tell us more about when you adopted your daughter?


  7. Hi Zoe,
    We adopted our daughter almost five years ago; it seems so amazing that five years have passed already. Our daughter was relinquished into foster care only a few days old and we took her home at seven and half weeks old. We too have a biological child who is six years older than our daughter and intitially we thought in already having a child, it could go against us in being selected. Contrary to this thought, we were lucky enough to have been chosen by the birth mother. Please never for one minute think that because you already have a child it will discount you; I don't believe this plays a negative role in any way. When we attended information sessions for adoption they actually suggested that if you did have children then don't hold much hope because birth parents want their child to be special and doted on without distraction, but in actual fact some birth parents want their child to grow up with other siblings, so parents like you and ourselves become the perfect pick. The best advise I can give is don't listen to everything you hear, make your own judgements and decisions. I wish you every bit of luck in adopting,and definately continue your journey no matter what; if you give up now you will never know what might have been.

  8. Hi Meredith, sorry I didn't see your reply until now! Thank you for your encouragement. We are still on the path. I think your idea for a book would be a great success. Keep at it! Zoe.